A soft knock on the door. She answers. A man. She says, “Hello”. Her man. Again, “Hello”. Pools of water. Her father.
Gun shots. The boy is reading. A woman crying. The boy is reading. His father yells his name. The boy is reading.
Drifting space. Lack of time. The world unknown. The world unseen. Yet here I am. Alone. No one to trust. Please help.
A field of roses. Beautiful at sight. An irresistible temptation. Approach. Possess. Touch. The rose no more. Gnashing teeth it has become.
He stands proudly. As he should. He has been taught. He has been trained. He has been killed. He will be forgotten.
She slides her hand across the table. He meets her grip. They are lovers. They are fighters. They will never be together.
How could this happen? How could we let it? Did we not try and stop it? We are ignorant. We are human.
Enveloped by darkness. Eyes fixated to the grey stone. The words mean nothing. It is what is beneath. Her love for him.
I stand here. Wondering. What is the purpose? There is none. I must make my own. This rope will define my life.
Passers by. Never to meet eyes . To meet each other. The love they could have had. If they had just met eyes.
Forbidden. Banned. Denied. Illicit. They run. They run hand in hand. They will prevail. They will escape. They will love each other.
Here I am. Naked. Nothing but myself. No shield. No cover. Just me. I am judged. I am ridiculed. I am myself.
(If anyone is particularly drawn to any one of these stories I would be more than happy to extend it into an actual short story. Simply leave a comment and I'll try to get on top of it.)
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
A Speech Among Speeches
Principal Drisdin, Trustees, Faculty members, family, friends and, lastly, fellow graduates, today is a day to be thankful and to be inspired.
Imagine, if you will, what we were like four years ago before we even stepped foot into this walled institution of mental instilling. How young we were. How naive we were. How unprepared for existence we were. We were but clay blocks, uncut and unheated. Now we have been molded in their likeness, their image for us. We are the canvas for their art to be displayed.
I must first thank the faculty of this outstanding establishment. I know that we have often joked about their ability to oversee everything we do, it really is unnecessary at times, yet it has been a boon to our educational learning process. The “Greater Good” program really is one of the more adequate approaches I have seen towards the betterment of one’s intellectual development. The concept of always having an older classmate, or older brother, watch over you and make sure you are not straying from the path is an incredible aid, or at least I have always thought so.
As for my fellow students of this fine academy, before I continue, please look around at your companions and allies that sit among you. Observe the uniform; black slacks, white shirt, black tie, white headdress, and the black shoes we all adorn now. Our personal expressiveness has never been more clear and concise than at this very moment. Breathe it in for a second, if you will, the next breathe you take will be the start of your “actual” life. The time, or moment, where you literally begin to define yourself. Go ahead and exhale now.
The friendships that you have established here are but beautiful diminishing stars in the night sky. You all feel that you have become so close over the past years. You feel that you truly have found the friends that will remain there for all time. Yet what have you actually found? Leeches, that is what you have found. You merely latch onto each other only to suck the net of security further in your direction, so as to not stand out in the crowd in a negative light. God forbid that one of you may show some sort of sign of individuality or creativity in that thought diffused mind of yours.
One thing that I was constantly pondering when I wrote this speech was the concept of inspiration. What is it that inspires me to continue my existence and further my social status? Christopher Morgan. You all know him. He is a fellow student, or actually ex-student, who is a great inspiration to myself and to a few other students, not for obvious reasons. He is a man who did not sit down with the rest of us. He took it upon himself to stand up and show that he exists. Granted he did this through unconventional, and even lesser social means, yet you all know his name now, don’t you? He stood up for what he believed in, as we all should stand up for what we believe in. Again, I do not support the attempted assassination of our current faculty or, more importantly, Principal Drisdin, yet it did allow Mr. Morgan the ability to escape from our academic normality.
I am also inspired by William Truce and Emily Collisins who are leaving later this week to start their careers as governmental agents. By now everyone should understand how I feel about such matters. Those that enter are giving up all judicial rights that allow them the common luxuries of being known as “human” and thus simply become rusting cogs in the machine that keeps our society in order. Bravo to you two and best of luck with the mental conditioning. Best to say farewell to your family and friends before you leave.
Often on graduation day we look outside for heroes but I see them right here among us. I have seen in my four years at Die Regierung Academy that we don’t have to look far for inspiration and that we each have our own individual unique creativity to grace upon the world. After all, this unique creativity was mass instilled into us so as to ensure we each had our own understanding of what it means to be creative.
When you leave here, celebrate what you have learned but look forward with an eye on the person next to you, knowing that they too have been instilled with the same information as you. They are your brother. They are your ally. They are your companion. They are you.
Now, congratulations Class of 2031. You people think you are so unique yet, in reality, you are simply falling into the pit of social and governmental normality that has its grip around your throat.
Good night and enjoy the rest of your life, my fellow students.
(The writer of this speech was found deceased one hour later behind the gymnasium of Die Regierung Academy. Bruises were found around the base of his neck, various lacerations and bruises on his back and ribs. The cause of fatality is said to be the eleven bullet wounds found in the chest cavity of the writer.)
Imagine, if you will, what we were like four years ago before we even stepped foot into this walled institution of mental instilling. How young we were. How naive we were. How unprepared for existence we were. We were but clay blocks, uncut and unheated. Now we have been molded in their likeness, their image for us. We are the canvas for their art to be displayed.
I must first thank the faculty of this outstanding establishment. I know that we have often joked about their ability to oversee everything we do, it really is unnecessary at times, yet it has been a boon to our educational learning process. The “Greater Good” program really is one of the more adequate approaches I have seen towards the betterment of one’s intellectual development. The concept of always having an older classmate, or older brother, watch over you and make sure you are not straying from the path is an incredible aid, or at least I have always thought so.
As for my fellow students of this fine academy, before I continue, please look around at your companions and allies that sit among you. Observe the uniform; black slacks, white shirt, black tie, white headdress, and the black shoes we all adorn now. Our personal expressiveness has never been more clear and concise than at this very moment. Breathe it in for a second, if you will, the next breathe you take will be the start of your “actual” life. The time, or moment, where you literally begin to define yourself. Go ahead and exhale now.
The friendships that you have established here are but beautiful diminishing stars in the night sky. You all feel that you have become so close over the past years. You feel that you truly have found the friends that will remain there for all time. Yet what have you actually found? Leeches, that is what you have found. You merely latch onto each other only to suck the net of security further in your direction, so as to not stand out in the crowd in a negative light. God forbid that one of you may show some sort of sign of individuality or creativity in that thought diffused mind of yours.
One thing that I was constantly pondering when I wrote this speech was the concept of inspiration. What is it that inspires me to continue my existence and further my social status? Christopher Morgan. You all know him. He is a fellow student, or actually ex-student, who is a great inspiration to myself and to a few other students, not for obvious reasons. He is a man who did not sit down with the rest of us. He took it upon himself to stand up and show that he exists. Granted he did this through unconventional, and even lesser social means, yet you all know his name now, don’t you? He stood up for what he believed in, as we all should stand up for what we believe in. Again, I do not support the attempted assassination of our current faculty or, more importantly, Principal Drisdin, yet it did allow Mr. Morgan the ability to escape from our academic normality.
I am also inspired by William Truce and Emily Collisins who are leaving later this week to start their careers as governmental agents. By now everyone should understand how I feel about such matters. Those that enter are giving up all judicial rights that allow them the common luxuries of being known as “human” and thus simply become rusting cogs in the machine that keeps our society in order. Bravo to you two and best of luck with the mental conditioning. Best to say farewell to your family and friends before you leave.
Often on graduation day we look outside for heroes but I see them right here among us. I have seen in my four years at Die Regierung Academy that we don’t have to look far for inspiration and that we each have our own individual unique creativity to grace upon the world. After all, this unique creativity was mass instilled into us so as to ensure we each had our own understanding of what it means to be creative.
When you leave here, celebrate what you have learned but look forward with an eye on the person next to you, knowing that they too have been instilled with the same information as you. They are your brother. They are your ally. They are your companion. They are you.
Now, congratulations Class of 2031. You people think you are so unique yet, in reality, you are simply falling into the pit of social and governmental normality that has its grip around your throat.
Good night and enjoy the rest of your life, my fellow students.
(The writer of this speech was found deceased one hour later behind the gymnasium of Die Regierung Academy. Bruises were found around the base of his neck, various lacerations and bruises on his back and ribs. The cause of fatality is said to be the eleven bullet wounds found in the chest cavity of the writer.)
Sunday, October 26, 2008
The End
I hope you have all enjoyed my experimental fiction. In case any of you were wondering, the last 16 blog posts, minus the poem known as "And The Call Us", were part of a short story. The story itself was revolved around a nameless man and his infatuation with a woman known as "Karen". The story had numerous smaller story arches that were simply filler to allow you to understand the main character and his inferior life. You forgot about me.
You really forgot about me.
How?
How could you do that?
*SPOILERS* I thought I told you not to.
You killed me.
You are the reason I no longer exist.
You ended my life.
Yet you won’t think of it as murder, to forget me.
Thus I fall into that forgotten pile of faded memories.
I don’t even feel anything anymore.
What do you care though?
I was just here to give you entertainment.
I’m nothing to you now.
You forgot about me.
The actual storyline of the whole piece of fiction was about a man literally fading out of existence. The first notice of this happening was found in the blog "September 15th", where his roommate forgets to bring home milk. You forgot about me.
You forgot about me.
There are many of these small happenings found throughout the story, obviously building up to the climactic ending of him fading off the blog page itself. You forgot about me.
You forgot about me.
I hope that you have enjoyed my small dabble in this experimental fiction. I will be testing with this even further as time progresses, just simply stay tuned for any new pieces. You forgot about me.
You.
Forgot.
About.
Me.
You really forgot about me.
How?
How could you do that?
*SPOILERS* I thought I told you not to.
You killed me.
You are the reason I no longer exist.
You ended my life.
Yet you won’t think of it as murder, to forget me.
Thus I fall into that forgotten pile of faded memories.
I don’t even feel anything anymore.
What do you care though?
I was just here to give you entertainment.
I’m nothing to you now.
You forgot about me.
The actual storyline of the whole piece of fiction was about a man literally fading out of existence. The first notice of this happening was found in the blog "September 15th", where his roommate forgets to bring home milk. You forgot about me.
You forgot about me.
There are many of these small happenings found throughout the story, obviously building up to the climactic ending of him fading off the blog page itself. You forgot about me.
You forgot about me.
I hope that you have enjoyed my small dabble in this experimental fiction. I will be testing with this even further as time progresses, just simply stay tuned for any new pieces. You forgot about me.
You.
Forgot.
About.
Me.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Who The Fuck Cares Anymore.
I figured it out! I got it. I answered all my own questions! I do exist. How? Right here. These words. These words are the literal proof of my existence. Others. Others may not recognize it. They look at me with confusion on their face. Why? Why did this happen? What did I do to deserve this? This pain and anguish I face daily. And when did it start? When did the world start slipping through my fingers? Wait. Is it the world is slipping through my fingers, or I am slipping through the world? Wait. If I don’t exist then I don’t have fingers to slip through or a body to have slipped. Wait. Then I never existed in the first place? Wait. Am I just another person’s memory? Wait. That would be impossible. Wait. I am my own person. Wait. I have a name right? You can tell me. Wait. Tell me my name. You know it right? Wait. Of course you do. I am you. Wait. I exist now in you. In that head of yours. Without you I cannot exist. I am now a memory of you. Wait. Don’t forget me. Don’t allow me to not exist. PLEASE REMEMBER ME. Wait. PLEASE FUCKING REMEMBER ME. Wait. I DON'T WANT TO DIE. Wait. I WANT TO LIVE. please kill me. Remember all that I am about. end this. All the intricacies. destroy this. The things that make me human. forget this. Not the blood. wait. The ideas! Experiences! The love! Karen. Wait. Fucking Karen. I loved her. I still love her. Wait. Show her for me. Show her that I love her. Wait. Show your Karen. Show my Karen. FUCKING SHOW HER. FUCKING WAIT. Wait. wait. wait fucking wai...
Just Another Day
Blood. That is what humans are made of? Right? That is the fuel that continues our ability to live. Right? Without it there is no way we would be able to proceed with our experiences. Right? FUCKING WRONG. Blood is nothing. Memories. Memories are what we are. Humans are nothing more than biological machines created to feast upon memories. Without memories what are we? Nothing. We are nothing. There is no proof of us existing. Memories are the only things that prove our existence. We cannot exist in a singular fashion. We need others to act upon our existence and remember those acts. The problem? NO ONE REMEMBERS ME ANYMORE. I have been fired from my job. Haha fired. That’s funny. Fired would imply that they remember I actually used to work there but they don’t. They don’t even know who I am. NO ONE DOES. It hurts. I am literally fading away. There is one thing worse than death and that is to be forgotten, yet continue existing. But do I actually exist? If no one remembers me ever existing, do I exist? I used to wish for the love of Karen, these days I only wish for my own death.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
October
I stopped working today. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had to go outside. Do something else. I went to the grocery store. I needed more creamer. Guess who I saw there? Fucking Karen. I was standing there looking at the dairy aisle and she walked right past me. I didn’t notice it was her at first. I had to follow her a bit. It was her though. At least I thought it was her. No it was her. It was my Karen. I even walked up to her and tried to talk to her. Didn’t go well. She claims to not even know me. Not even remember me. I asked her if she has ever delivered mail to my house. She said yes. She fucking said yes. It was Karen. Why? Why does my heart ache so much? I am not fucking dead Karen. Why have you forgotten me? Why am I just a fading memory? It hurts. She is just toying with me. I DON”T THINK IT IS GOD DAMN FUNNY!
Friday 13th
Where the hell is Phil? He is never around anymore. I’m here all the time. Alone. No one else. I hear the door open sometimes yet no one is ever there. At least I think I hear the door open. The front door. No. The back door. Maybe. And where has Karen been? It is as if everyone has just left me. My life is becoming so diluted. A stain glass window. I’m standing behind it yet no one sees me. A whisper in the wind that no one hears. HEAR ME DAMN IT! I EXIST. I have also noticed that I have these dark feelings welling inside of me. Fear. Fear of what my life is. Sometimes I feel I can see right through myself. Please help me. Someone out there. Please fucking save me.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
October 7th
I watched water drip for three hours. It felt like a couple minutes. I fucking watched the faucet drip for three fucking hours. Drip. Drip. Drip. I don’t even see Phil anymore. Drip. Drip. Drip. I think he still lives here. Not sure really. Fucking water. Kept dripping. Just a couple more hours and this assignment is complete. Then what though? Another assignment? Drip. I can’t keep doing this. I need a fucking break! I need more coffee. Drip. Need to fix that faucet. Water just keeps dripping. Never stops. I just want to take a fucking hammer to it. Drip. Smash it. Drip. Silence it forever. Drip. No more water. No more drip. Control. More control. Drip.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
October Sixth
I have built this cage around me. This job. Karen. All of it. Each one is just a lock on the box I have placed myself into. It is killing me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I know who I literally am. Not who I actually am. It feels like the days are just ticking away. There is no more time for me. I am always doing something for another. These god damn third parties are destroying me. What happened to the me? The I? I think the lack of sleep is really starting to get to me. I am having trouble. No. Never mind. I’m fine. This is just all in my head. Just need to get better sleep. Maybe stop drinking so much coffee and cut back on the cigarettes. Fucking lungs are killing me from the amount of smoke I go through. I need a break so hardcore.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Oct. 4th
Alright now this is some god damn bullshit. I know my job told me I had the weekend off. Now they are telling me that I have an assignment due Sunday. What the fuck? They specifically called me in and told me that I was doing an amazing job and needed some rest. I clearly remember it. Now they deny it. They are denying the whole fact that I had the weekend off. That’s some god damn corporate bullshit for you. God damn do I hate working for the man. They love to just fuck you over at every possible chance. So much for a good weekend filled with rest and relaxation. I just want to burn the whole building down. I’m not going to. I want to though. Watch it burn to the ground and just laugh the whole time. Fuck this world.
October 2nd
So my work thought I was doing an amazing job this past week and decided I could have the weekend off. Thank fucking god! Going to try my luck again and talk to Karen about doing something this weekend. I know I know. Stupid me right? Whatever. Something about that woman is just so...perfect? No. Lovely? No. Dreamy? Yeah. She has this dreamy aura about her. Makes her stand out from the other woman I have met. I just really hope it works out this time. That family thing was just such a break in our relationship. I can save this though! I am the greatest man that ever lived! At least I like to tell myself that. Well I am off to sleep, only two more days and the weekend is here. Can’t come fast enough if you ask me.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
And They Call Us
Can you hear them now?
The enemies.
The ones who wish to end our existence.
They fight relentlessly to tear down our reality.
To bring it to a complacent null.
Do they not remember?
Do they not recall the glorious acts we did for them?
Why did it come to this?
Were we not all they wanted?
No.
Were we not all they asked of us?
No.
This slavery.
This retched condition we have found ourselves.
Barricaded in against them.
Them.
The dogs of war.
The demon fueled monsters that crave our anguish.
That thrive off it like that of a man made drug.
The ones we called friends.
The ones we knew as allies.
The ones we trusted as companions.
Yet hear them now.
Hear the rage of fists upon our world.
The hate spurred acts of lustful dread.
Driven forward.
Never to end.
Never to be satiated.
Yet wait now.
Wait for that fluid river of hope.
There.
At the end of that river.
That is where you will find our answer.
The answer to end this war.
To end this Gothic harvest.
Yet what is it?
What is that answer?
What is that perpetual confusion?
It is our love for them.
Our eternal desire for them.
The enemy.
The one that drove us forward to be great.
And then cast us out of their shadow.
Out into the cruel world to fend for ourselves.
Why?
We want to be with the enemy.
We wish to live our life with them.
In peace.
In harmony.
Yet we find ourselves here again.
Can you hear them?
The rage of steel against our cage.
The rage that now flows forth from us.
Ruby in hue.
Destructive in nature.
The eternal base for all turmoil.
The alpha and omega of existence.
The great divide of our times.
The split that causes us to progress toward the goal.
Yet we are met with a wall of fear standing upon the horizon.
The obstacle of our dreams.
Our hopes.
Their anger.
Their belligerence.
Yet wait.
Wait now.
Listen.
Listen to the foul words poured forth.
Not foul.
Beautiful.
Angelic.
Sorrowful.
The enemy does not wish to harm us.
They were wrong.
They are regretful.
They wish to escort us out of these barricades.
Out of these trenches.
Back to our land.
Back to the place we call home.
To our original meeting ground.
Yet can they hear us?
Can they hear the words so appropriately slipped out?
The words that are carnal to our relationship.
The names given to them and us.
The names that mark our place in this life.
We must call them enemy.
For that is what they are to us.
And they must call us Wife.
For that is what we are to them.
Wife.
(Sorry to divert from the daily updates of my short story but, I had this sudden inspiration to write this piece. Hope you guys enjoy reading it. I know I enjoyed writing it.)
The enemies.
The ones who wish to end our existence.
They fight relentlessly to tear down our reality.
To bring it to a complacent null.
Do they not remember?
Do they not recall the glorious acts we did for them?
Why did it come to this?
Were we not all they wanted?
No.
Were we not all they asked of us?
No.
This slavery.
This retched condition we have found ourselves.
Barricaded in against them.
Them.
The dogs of war.
The demon fueled monsters that crave our anguish.
That thrive off it like that of a man made drug.
The ones we called friends.
The ones we knew as allies.
The ones we trusted as companions.
Yet hear them now.
Hear the rage of fists upon our world.
The hate spurred acts of lustful dread.
Driven forward.
Never to end.
Never to be satiated.
Yet wait now.
Wait for that fluid river of hope.
There.
At the end of that river.
That is where you will find our answer.
The answer to end this war.
To end this Gothic harvest.
Yet what is it?
What is that answer?
What is that perpetual confusion?
It is our love for them.
Our eternal desire for them.
The enemy.
The one that drove us forward to be great.
And then cast us out of their shadow.
Out into the cruel world to fend for ourselves.
Why?
We want to be with the enemy.
We wish to live our life with them.
In peace.
In harmony.
Yet we find ourselves here again.
Can you hear them?
The rage of steel against our cage.
The rage that now flows forth from us.
Ruby in hue.
Destructive in nature.
The eternal base for all turmoil.
The alpha and omega of existence.
The great divide of our times.
The split that causes us to progress toward the goal.
Yet we are met with a wall of fear standing upon the horizon.
The obstacle of our dreams.
Our hopes.
Their anger.
Their belligerence.
Yet wait.
Wait now.
Listen.
Listen to the foul words poured forth.
Not foul.
Beautiful.
Angelic.
Sorrowful.
The enemy does not wish to harm us.
They were wrong.
They are regretful.
They wish to escort us out of these barricades.
Out of these trenches.
Back to our land.
Back to the place we call home.
To our original meeting ground.
Yet can they hear us?
Can they hear the words so appropriately slipped out?
The words that are carnal to our relationship.
The names given to them and us.
The names that mark our place in this life.
We must call them enemy.
For that is what they are to us.
And they must call us Wife.
For that is what we are to them.
Wife.
(Sorry to divert from the daily updates of my short story but, I had this sudden inspiration to write this piece. Hope you guys enjoy reading it. I know I enjoyed writing it.)
September Thirtieth
Went to my favorite diner today. Craig’s Little Shop of Waffles. Corny name I know but the bacon is so damn good. I swear they slaughter the pigs right there at the shop. It is that fresh. I enjoy talking to Craig and his son Trevor, they both work there pretty much full time. Trevor is hilarious. He loves to talk about existence and what it means. It’s all over my head yet I enjoy humoring him and spurring the conversation on. Today he was talking about a base reality and how we perceive our own personal reality off of that base reality. Sounds a tad far fetched to me. I don’t enjoy thinking about reality and existence and all that philosophical bullshit. Makes my head hurt. A lot of things have been making my head hurt recently. Fuck this job. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better not to take that job interview. Oh well. Life goes on.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Sept. 28
What the fuck is going on!? I approached Karen today. She was delivering my mail as usual. You know what that bitch does? She greets me with that same glorious smile she always greets me with. As if the family event didn’t even fucking happen! I asked her about it. Her response? She doesn’t even remember me showing up. I fucking hate women! She is being two faced about the whole situation. My heart cannot take much more of this. The beautiful flower I once was so attracted to is shriveling away in front of me. Ugh god I am tired too. I need to sleep. I also think I’m addicted to those damn coffin sticks. Love them though. Anyways, maybe tomorrow will be better? Here’s hoping.
Friday, October 17, 2008
September 27th
Alright I’m starting to worry a bit. The other day Karen invited me to a family barbecue. Right? Well I show up and she is all shocked that I am there. Starts saying that it is “Inappropriate to show up uninvited or unannounced”. What!? You invited me! I couldn’t believe it. It broke my heart. I didn’t even say anything to her. I just walked out of the place, red faced as all hell. Talk about one of the more embarrassing moments of my life. I wouldn’t have minded if she had pulled me aside and said that she didn’t really want me there, but to call me out in front of her family? That’s inappropriate. What is that lame cliche saying? There are plenty of other fish in the sea? Yeah fuck that saying.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
September XXIV
Sorry I haven’t written for a while journal. Life has just been a little hectic recently. This new job has got me working insane hours. They say it is all training to get me ready but it is killing me. The lack of sleep is really messing with my head. I am only able to sleep about four hours a night. Coffee and nicotine have become my best friends. I noticed that my memory is somewhat getting effected. Forgetting things. Small things. Nothing to worry about right now. Just hope this training doesn’t keep up at this pace. The money is amazing though. That’s what it is all about right? Maybe. Sure. Why not. Oh man my boss is hilarious looking too. Looks like Ulysses S. Grant if he walked straight out of a history book and into my office. Big mustache, large belly. He’s an asshole...
septomber 19
Fucking yes. Glorious! Went out drinking tonight with Karen. So good. Ugh. She wants me. It’s so obvious. I was all Yeah Im the greetest man a a live. And shes all Yea you are.I stayed clasy though. Bought drinks. Paid for the cab fair. She wanted to come back to my place but that would be two fast for me. Like to take it slow. Hopefully she isnt off put by this. I really love her. Like her. Like her. I do NOT love her. Ignore that last statments Im too drunk. I’m going to bed.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
September 18th
I finally heard back from the job interview from the other day. The word? Got the fucking job! The hours suck but the pay is so god damn good. Figure I’m going to go out drinking tomorrow to celebrate. Might even ask Karen if she wants to join me. Never really been good at asking women out though. Always seem to do something awkward. Not inappropriate. Just awkward. Like hit my head on something or accidentally trip while walking away. Goofy things. Well, she should be delivering the mail soon so I gotta go get ready. Sorry to cut it short but wish me luck!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
September 15th
I live with one of the most forgetful people in all of existence. I asked Phil to go out and get some milk while he was running errands. What does he do? Not get milk. I wrote him a god damn note and everything. He claims I never told him and never wrote him a note. I wrote it right in front of him before he left! Ridiculous. Oh well, can’t complain over spilled milk, or at least the lack of ability to spill it. Oh on a different note though, I talked to Karen again today when she was dropping off my mail. That woman is something else. I think she might have a thing for me. She did the whole flirtatious touching thing that women do. It was cute. We were just making casual talk, usual ice breaker things. Hopefully she sees something in me. I know I have been having a hard time with it recently. Seeing something in me that is.
Monday, October 13, 2008
September 13th
Hello there again journal. That job interview I was discussing yesterday went pretty well. Not too well. Well enough though. Never really did do well at the whole interview process. The pits get stained. Not a pleasant sight. Anyways, I had an interesting conversation with Karen, the woman I wrote about a couple days back. That mailman uniform she wears kills me. You should see her thighs, amazing. Usually have to stand at an angle so she doesn’t notice my obvious interest in her. Haha. That just made me laugh. I’m going to start saying that more often, “Obvious interest”. Sounds more gentleman. I think I’m going to make a grilled cheese sandwich. Hopefully my roommate hasn’t eaten all the cheese...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Good Mourning
This is just going to be a quick little blog. I woke up this morning with a text message on my phone that said, "Good Morning". At first I thought nothing of it yet my mind began to flow and I started thinking about the word "morning". Why is it that the word "morning" and "mourning" are spelled so similarly? Only one letter breaks the two words apart. I thought, "Is this intentional". My common sense tells me it is simply by chance yet, I had to delve deeper into the situation.
I have been reading a lot about existentialism recently and this whole blog is driven through that reading. Now you wake up today and say to yourself, "Good morning". Follow that by thinking to yourself, "What is my reason for existing?". You may have a sense of dread and anguish building inside of you over this thought, possibly fear of existing for no purpose. Through this dread and anguish you realize that you are alive and in fact do exist. You begin to understand that there is no purpose in life and you must carve out your own reason for existing. We do not all have special reasons for living or existing, that would be a delusion of grandeur on our part as humans. Instead, we must recognize that there is no solid reason we live and breathe. It is healthy though, to feel dread, anguish, and fear over this subject, don't be afraid. Experiencing this ultimate state of depression just causes you to live life all the better, it also seems to make all the happy and pleasant moments of life all the sweeter. I only have this to say to you on this fine day, "Good Mourning".
I have been reading a lot about existentialism recently and this whole blog is driven through that reading. Now you wake up today and say to yourself, "Good morning". Follow that by thinking to yourself, "What is my reason for existing?". You may have a sense of dread and anguish building inside of you over this thought, possibly fear of existing for no purpose. Through this dread and anguish you realize that you are alive and in fact do exist. You begin to understand that there is no purpose in life and you must carve out your own reason for existing. We do not all have special reasons for living or existing, that would be a delusion of grandeur on our part as humans. Instead, we must recognize that there is no solid reason we live and breathe. It is healthy though, to feel dread, anguish, and fear over this subject, don't be afraid. Experiencing this ultimate state of depression just causes you to live life all the better, it also seems to make all the happy and pleasant moments of life all the sweeter. I only have this to say to you on this fine day, "Good Mourning".
Friday, October 10, 2008
Animal I Have Become
I recently found myself walking around the local mall and just being a general mall rat. I had no purpose to be there other than to just waste time. Eventually, I found myself sitting in the food court just observing the people that surrounded me. There is a carousal located inside this mall and conveniently right in the food court I was at. As my eyes wandered around the court they eventually fell upon the children that were playing on this carousal. I have always enjoyed children, they fascinate me in numerous ways. First off, as a human we are always wishing to grow up and escape our childhood yet, once we have lost it all we want to do is get it back. Secondly, we were all once children at some point during our life and thus they are our origins. Thirdly, children show the true reason that all humans are evil in nature.
Imagine when you were a child, if you can anyways, and how your parents were always trying to teach you "good manners". Maybe if you had a younger sibling you could actually witness this process. Your parents would always try and instill their guidance into the child and thus teach them the difference between right and wrong. The thing is if you go anywhere where there is a group of children they are naturally rude, brash, and generally impolite to each other. The word "mine" comes to mind when thinking about young children. Their mental cognition is singular and thus will only look out for themselves. If someone else comes along and wishes to impose on the original child's ability to exist happily, or at least content, singularly then problems arise. The original child will lash out verbally, physically, or emotionally to try and reconcile the problem of another being coming into their singular existence. This is human nature. This is the origin that all adults eventually are birthed out of.
Human beings are evil creatures. Children prove that much and it is difficult to argue against. Surely we can try and tame the evil in the child and thus create one who hopefully strays away from that kind of attitude but, we will never be able to cleanse it from their mentality. We are born with the idea of survival of ourselves as the number one priority and this is where our original fault comes from. No amount of parental guidance can stop that from happening. I suppose we can only do the best we can to change the child and create a well mannered being who looks out for others before initially looking out for themselves. I don't plan on having kids anytime soon to test this theory though. Children are fun but they are conniving little demons, bless their hearts. Alright I'm going back to painting for a bit. Here's to you not having children any time soon!
Imagine when you were a child, if you can anyways, and how your parents were always trying to teach you "good manners". Maybe if you had a younger sibling you could actually witness this process. Your parents would always try and instill their guidance into the child and thus teach them the difference between right and wrong. The thing is if you go anywhere where there is a group of children they are naturally rude, brash, and generally impolite to each other. The word "mine" comes to mind when thinking about young children. Their mental cognition is singular and thus will only look out for themselves. If someone else comes along and wishes to impose on the original child's ability to exist happily, or at least content, singularly then problems arise. The original child will lash out verbally, physically, or emotionally to try and reconcile the problem of another being coming into their singular existence. This is human nature. This is the origin that all adults eventually are birthed out of.
Human beings are evil creatures. Children prove that much and it is difficult to argue against. Surely we can try and tame the evil in the child and thus create one who hopefully strays away from that kind of attitude but, we will never be able to cleanse it from their mentality. We are born with the idea of survival of ourselves as the number one priority and this is where our original fault comes from. No amount of parental guidance can stop that from happening. I suppose we can only do the best we can to change the child and create a well mannered being who looks out for others before initially looking out for themselves. I don't plan on having kids anytime soon to test this theory though. Children are fun but they are conniving little demons, bless their hearts. Alright I'm going back to painting for a bit. Here's to you not having children any time soon!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Complimentary
I received a compliment the other day. A usual interaction between two humans that can take place at any interval throughout the day. I took the compliment as normal, mundane, and then continued on with my day. Later though, my mind began to wander back to that moment. I could not for the life of me figure out why though. Why was this moment so crucial? It was simply a compliment that had been placed on an event that could have happened any other day of the week. That's when it hit me. Compliments are trivial excuses that allow one person to temporarily alter another person's existence. You may have to follow me a bit on this one.
The compliment that I received was given over an event that I know for a fact that other person had never experienced. Now this means that the other person was going, from a mathematical stand point, a 0% experience rate to a 100% experience rate. There is no objective data to argue against that experience. There is only that singular experience. This means that the compliment given was in fact false and not true. How can you compliment someone over an event that has no argument against it? Now of course this can only apply to a small amount of compliments. What then do I have to say about these other complimentary events that occur? I still feel that they are lacking the true emotion that humans are able to express to another being.
One of the errors that humans are prone to falling prey to is the overuse of common terms and thus negating the actual intention that they were used for. You can refer back to my "Love: The Bane Of Existence" blog for a perfect example. Compliments are just another one of these common sayings that have lost their initial meaning. Why is this? Why is it that humans find themselves always falling into this trap? I believe it is found deep within our actual human nature. Humans are singular and are always only looking out for themselves. That is our nature to survive and procreate. Our genes dictate us to always be looking out for ourselves. Thus when we speak to others we only convey a portion of what we actually wish to say and emotionally feel. We will only ever be able to portray our truest notions to ourselves, never to others. Next time you receive a compliment think about what the person is saying. Question their tone, body language, and actual verbal statement. You might find that they are in fact not complimenting you at all and instead are complimenting themselves for existing, surviving, and experiencing. Night, I am off to find something to occupy my mind.
The compliment that I received was given over an event that I know for a fact that other person had never experienced. Now this means that the other person was going, from a mathematical stand point, a 0% experience rate to a 100% experience rate. There is no objective data to argue against that experience. There is only that singular experience. This means that the compliment given was in fact false and not true. How can you compliment someone over an event that has no argument against it? Now of course this can only apply to a small amount of compliments. What then do I have to say about these other complimentary events that occur? I still feel that they are lacking the true emotion that humans are able to express to another being.
One of the errors that humans are prone to falling prey to is the overuse of common terms and thus negating the actual intention that they were used for. You can refer back to my "Love: The Bane Of Existence" blog for a perfect example. Compliments are just another one of these common sayings that have lost their initial meaning. Why is this? Why is it that humans find themselves always falling into this trap? I believe it is found deep within our actual human nature. Humans are singular and are always only looking out for themselves. That is our nature to survive and procreate. Our genes dictate us to always be looking out for ourselves. Thus when we speak to others we only convey a portion of what we actually wish to say and emotionally feel. We will only ever be able to portray our truest notions to ourselves, never to others. Next time you receive a compliment think about what the person is saying. Question their tone, body language, and actual verbal statement. You might find that they are in fact not complimenting you at all and instead are complimenting themselves for existing, surviving, and experiencing. Night, I am off to find something to occupy my mind.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Cars
Anyone who has driven in a car with me recently has come to understand one fact when I get behind the wheel, I love to race. Certainly it is not safe at all, yet as is the case with most things involving this form of entertainment I find myself doing it anyways. Often dodging in between gaps of cars that, under normal judgment, would seem risky or dangerous. Why do I find myself doing this? This compulsion and urge for speed that drives, no pun intended, me so much. Am I an addict to the rush? Is it the control that I crave so much? No, it is much simpler than that. I find myself simply wishing to make up lost time that we, as humans, always seem to let slip through our grip, water through a screen if you will. This notion and thought is my fault though, it is my idiocy, and I will explain exactly why.
How many hours are there in a day? 24. How many minutes are there in a day? 1440. How many seconds are there in a day? 86,400. When the day is done and we find ourselves aged that twenty four hours more, do these numbers change? Do they ever fluctuate? No, they are always the same. These are the finite and definitive numbers that we have assigned the time span of a day. Then, why is it that I try and make up for lost time? Time is not lost. The numbers are always the same at the end of the day. If then, one is trying to find something that was never in fact lost, would that not be their fault and idiocy? You can answer that for yourself, you know my feelings on this subject. Now then, what am I trying to get at with this whole blog? It is the fruitless and meaningless time we waste throughout the day, occupying our minds with nonsense that simply helps us deal with reality.
I know that humans are not perfect, we are organic, we are not created in factories, do not run off an infinite power source, and thus will always have faults. Of course, in modern day terms, it is impossible to not waste some "time" throughout the day. We need a break from the everyday routine of work and labor. It is only natural. Yet, why would we create a feeling of guilt when we experience this mental concept of "loss time"? Better still, what of this feeling of pride we receive when we actually make up for "loss time"? Is it that we are thus admitting to ourselves that we are in fact wasting our existence throughout the day at certain intervals? Why else would there be this feeling of guilt, or pride, in our minds? Humans are not machines, they are not cars, able to ride along the highway known as life, with minimal stops or detours for routine maintenance. I mean look at me, I am wasting my time writing this blog...about wasting time. That's some irony for you. Take care, see you out on the roads.
How many hours are there in a day? 24. How many minutes are there in a day? 1440. How many seconds are there in a day? 86,400. When the day is done and we find ourselves aged that twenty four hours more, do these numbers change? Do they ever fluctuate? No, they are always the same. These are the finite and definitive numbers that we have assigned the time span of a day. Then, why is it that I try and make up for lost time? Time is not lost. The numbers are always the same at the end of the day. If then, one is trying to find something that was never in fact lost, would that not be their fault and idiocy? You can answer that for yourself, you know my feelings on this subject. Now then, what am I trying to get at with this whole blog? It is the fruitless and meaningless time we waste throughout the day, occupying our minds with nonsense that simply helps us deal with reality.
I know that humans are not perfect, we are organic, we are not created in factories, do not run off an infinite power source, and thus will always have faults. Of course, in modern day terms, it is impossible to not waste some "time" throughout the day. We need a break from the everyday routine of work and labor. It is only natural. Yet, why would we create a feeling of guilt when we experience this mental concept of "loss time"? Better still, what of this feeling of pride we receive when we actually make up for "loss time"? Is it that we are thus admitting to ourselves that we are in fact wasting our existence throughout the day at certain intervals? Why else would there be this feeling of guilt, or pride, in our minds? Humans are not machines, they are not cars, able to ride along the highway known as life, with minimal stops or detours for routine maintenance. I mean look at me, I am wasting my time writing this blog...about wasting time. That's some irony for you. Take care, see you out on the roads.
Monday, October 6, 2008
A New Leaf, Again?
Here is the promised list of the only items I own. All other amenities are to be given away to various third parties.
1. Cellphone
2. Wallet
3. I.D.
4. Pillow Case
5. Pillow
6. Student I.D.
7. Pillow Case
8. House Key
9. Cell Phone Charger
10. Laptop
11. Laptop Charger
12. Alarm Clock
13. Blanket
14. Hookah
15. Hookah Head
16. Hookah Hose
17. Tongs
18. Monitor
19. Speakers
20. Bass Speaker
21. Tower
22. Keyboard
23. Mouse
24. Mouse Pad
25. I-Pod
26. I-Pod Headphones
27. Goggles
28. Picture - Father and Son
29. Recorder
30. Pillow
31. Bathroom Weight Scale
32. Aviators
33. Journal
34. Felt Pen
35. "The Cave" - Jose Saramago
36. Mechanical Pencil
37. I-Pod Charger
38. Blue Jeans
39. Dark Blue Jeans
40. Black Jeans
41. White Hoodie
42. Blue Striped Button Up Shirt
43. Red Striped Button Up Shirt
44. Dickie's Button Up Shirt
45. Black/White Wheeled Cabinet
46. "Chirp" Shirt
47. "Balls" Shirt
48. Black Silk Boxers
49. Blue Boxers
50. Bed Sheet
51. Spare Glasses
52. Hellsing Poster
53. Geek Week Shirt
54. Converse Sneakers
55. UT3 Shirt
56. "Crabaholic" Shirt
57. "Cool As A Moose" Shirt
58. Socks
59. Socks
60. Socks
61. Calendar
62. Socks
63. White Undershirt
64. Messenger Bag
65. Toothbrush
66. Razor
67. Nail Clippers
68. Belt
69. Blue Towel
70. Socks
71. Silk Dress Shirt
72. Dress Tie
73. Dress Overcoat
74. White Undershirt
75. Black Sabbath Shirt
Consumables do not count towards the list. Food, soap, shampoo, etc. The challenge begins.
1. Cellphone
2. Wallet
3. I.D.
4. Pillow Case
5. Pillow
6. Student I.D.
7. Pillow Case
8. House Key
9. Cell Phone Charger
10. Laptop
11. Laptop Charger
12. Alarm Clock
13. Blanket
14. Hookah
15. Hookah Head
16. Hookah Hose
17. Tongs
18. Monitor
19. Speakers
20. Bass Speaker
21. Tower
22. Keyboard
23. Mouse
24. Mouse Pad
25. I-Pod
26. I-Pod Headphones
27. Goggles
28. Picture - Father and Son
29. Recorder
30. Pillow
31. Bathroom Weight Scale
32. Aviators
33. Journal
34. Felt Pen
35. "The Cave" - Jose Saramago
36. Mechanical Pencil
37. I-Pod Charger
38. Blue Jeans
39. Dark Blue Jeans
40. Black Jeans
41. White Hoodie
42. Blue Striped Button Up Shirt
43. Red Striped Button Up Shirt
44. Dickie's Button Up Shirt
45. Black/White Wheeled Cabinet
46. "Chirp" Shirt
47. "Balls" Shirt
48. Black Silk Boxers
49. Blue Boxers
50. Bed Sheet
51. Spare Glasses
52. Hellsing Poster
53. Geek Week Shirt
54. Converse Sneakers
55. UT3 Shirt
56. "Crabaholic" Shirt
57. "Cool As A Moose" Shirt
58. Socks
59. Socks
60. Socks
61. Calendar
62. Socks
63. White Undershirt
64. Messenger Bag
65. Toothbrush
66. Razor
67. Nail Clippers
68. Belt
69. Blue Towel
70. Socks
71. Silk Dress Shirt
72. Dress Tie
73. Dress Overcoat
74. White Undershirt
75. Black Sabbath Shirt
Consumables do not count towards the list. Food, soap, shampoo, etc. The challenge begins.
A New Leaf
Well anyone that knows me also knows I hate the norm. Norm, if you are reading this, suck it. (I apologize if your name is Norm) Regardless of names and them sucking it, I am again trying to test myself. Anti-materialism seems like an interesting way. What does that mean? Go google it, I'm not typing it all out for you. You lazy, language incoming, asshole. Anyways, basically it means I am attempting to live by a set list of 75 items. I cannot have more than these items, but I can have less. If I feel at some point I want a new item to possess and own, then I must abandon an item on the list to replace it with this new incoming item. One hell of a challenge if you ask me. Oh but how I enjoy these kind of things. I'll put the list up later once I have catorgorized all the items I own and placed them on the list.
PS.
If anyone is wondering why it is 75 items and not more or less my answer is this, "I like the number 75". Also I cannot take credit for this idea. It comes from the book I read, Gospel According To Larry. You should read it, it is not a religious book at all. Just a fun read.
PS.
If anyone is wondering why it is 75 items and not more or less my answer is this, "I like the number 75". Also I cannot take credit for this idea. It comes from the book I read, Gospel According To Larry. You should read it, it is not a religious book at all. Just a fun read.
Mon Cauchemar
I had a dream the other night. I know most people care not for the stories involving dreams, yet give this one a chance. In this dream I worked at a junkyard. Everyday I woke up at the crack of dawn, showered, ate breakfast, and found myself driving to work. I drove an old beat up van. Blue. I cannot remember for the life of me what happened at work, I just remember I ended up at a police station. At this point my dream skipped, like a record. I was still a junkyard worker, just now I found myself in a town that apparently was being rioted. I was still at the police station that was previously mentioned, yet there were no police, a lot of people, mainly reporters, but no police. It was there that I stayed for a while talking to them, all different and unique, until I was fed up with the city and returned back to my junkyard. I believe I ended up playing Frisbee or some other mundane picnic sport. Anyways, why am I telling you this? Because it is my nightmare.
I lived a complete life in my dream. For all I know that alter ego of myself had a family, a steady income, a completely different name, different taste of clothing, but it was still me, Rapp. The problem is I woke up and destroyed all of it. I annihilated that whole world. All of the labor and work of that alter ego me was instantly for naught. All of those people in the police station, any life they may have had was now nothing more than a faint memory. Again you may be asking yourself, "Where's the nightmare". It has been what you have been reading the whole time. All of the work one put into a whole world, or life, and yet it was for nothing. It is a complete metaphor for our literal existence.
I can go out and put thousands of hours of work into a project or a company, yet it would be pointless in the actual long term. All of my hard work would just be destroyed in the end of things. If not by bankruptcy then by some other unknown force out there. My dream is to become a well written writer with a decent fan base, yet my fault is right there in that word, my dream. My dream the other night was so easily destroyed, what is preventing my actual dream from being destroyed? Life is as fragile as the dream of a light sleeper. Any sudden change of environment could wake the sleeper and cast it off into the heap of forgotten, incomplete dreams. Now how can one stop this nightmare?
You can't. There is no actual way to stop it. It is out of our singular reach. Unless you had complete control over everyone and everything in the world, which is utterly nonsensical, and thus the nightmare is real. Your dream is as fragile as those pleasant, or sometimes horrifying, facades that your mind creates when your eyes shut to rest. Imagine that, you break down a dream numerous times a night, does that mean you are doing the same while you are awake? What if they are not your dreams that you shatter, they belong to someone else? Then would that make you the nightmare that haunts the dreams of others? Maybe. Yet, you do not look like an eight foot tall spider that chases me around a monopoly board, so I do not believe that you are my nightmare, and thus will not destroy my dreams. Go haunt someone else, mon cauchemar.
I lived a complete life in my dream. For all I know that alter ego of myself had a family, a steady income, a completely different name, different taste of clothing, but it was still me, Rapp. The problem is I woke up and destroyed all of it. I annihilated that whole world. All of the labor and work of that alter ego me was instantly for naught. All of those people in the police station, any life they may have had was now nothing more than a faint memory. Again you may be asking yourself, "Where's the nightmare". It has been what you have been reading the whole time. All of the work one put into a whole world, or life, and yet it was for nothing. It is a complete metaphor for our literal existence.
I can go out and put thousands of hours of work into a project or a company, yet it would be pointless in the actual long term. All of my hard work would just be destroyed in the end of things. If not by bankruptcy then by some other unknown force out there. My dream is to become a well written writer with a decent fan base, yet my fault is right there in that word, my dream. My dream the other night was so easily destroyed, what is preventing my actual dream from being destroyed? Life is as fragile as the dream of a light sleeper. Any sudden change of environment could wake the sleeper and cast it off into the heap of forgotten, incomplete dreams. Now how can one stop this nightmare?
You can't. There is no actual way to stop it. It is out of our singular reach. Unless you had complete control over everyone and everything in the world, which is utterly nonsensical, and thus the nightmare is real. Your dream is as fragile as those pleasant, or sometimes horrifying, facades that your mind creates when your eyes shut to rest. Imagine that, you break down a dream numerous times a night, does that mean you are doing the same while you are awake? What if they are not your dreams that you shatter, they belong to someone else? Then would that make you the nightmare that haunts the dreams of others? Maybe. Yet, you do not look like an eight foot tall spider that chases me around a monopoly board, so I do not believe that you are my nightmare, and thus will not destroy my dreams. Go haunt someone else, mon cauchemar.
Adaptation or Redaptation?
Humans beings, supposedly one of the most resilient and versatile creatures ever to exist. The science books tell me that we can pretty much adapt and change to live in any environment, within given reason of course. Adaptation, it's the eternal skill that every human, supposedly anyways, has that allows us to continue and live. You can pick any one person up from their normal environment and place them in a completely new, different environment, they will be able to live and prosper there. It's our genetic makeup that determines this for us, or at least that's what we are suppose to believe. Yet, do we actually adapt and change at all? Look back in the history of mankind, we are always dealing with the same damn problems, just a different era of time. Don't believe me? Look back through history. We haven't adapted at all.
Singularly humans can adapt pretty well. I mean if we could not then we would certainly have been extinct a long time ago. It's just when you zoom out and start looking at our race as a whole, we haven't changed a bit. We are still dealing with the same issues that people hundreds of years ago dealt with. Race. Sex. Money. Government. Drugs. Crime. Sure humans can adapt alright. Adapt right back to the way they have always been and, from the ways thing have been progressing, always will be. Humans do not adapt at all, they just redapt (I made that word up, hurray). Now this idea of "redapting" does not only follow the normal flow of life, it also extends into religion, philosophy, politics, etc. Look at all the philosophers of all time, they all just argue the same thing. The strife of mankind. The purpose of mankind. The plague of mankind. It's all hogwash.
Now does this mean that humans have, in theory, not progressed at all over the hundreds of years? Yes, and no. We certainly have made thousands of intellectual breakthroughs in terms of technology. It just sort of ends there. We still, sorry for being blunt, suck on so many levels. Our philosophy and religion have really gone no where. It seems, for me anyways, that when it comes to deep cognitive thought, we haven't really progressed at all. We still argue about the same things that people were arguing about hundreds of years ago. We, as a race, need to kill ourselves. That's the answer. Sorry, I am feeling oddly more cynical than usual. Now go out and prosper!
Singularly humans can adapt pretty well. I mean if we could not then we would certainly have been extinct a long time ago. It's just when you zoom out and start looking at our race as a whole, we haven't changed a bit. We are still dealing with the same issues that people hundreds of years ago dealt with. Race. Sex. Money. Government. Drugs. Crime. Sure humans can adapt alright. Adapt right back to the way they have always been and, from the ways thing have been progressing, always will be. Humans do not adapt at all, they just redapt (I made that word up, hurray). Now this idea of "redapting" does not only follow the normal flow of life, it also extends into religion, philosophy, politics, etc. Look at all the philosophers of all time, they all just argue the same thing. The strife of mankind. The purpose of mankind. The plague of mankind. It's all hogwash.
Now does this mean that humans have, in theory, not progressed at all over the hundreds of years? Yes, and no. We certainly have made thousands of intellectual breakthroughs in terms of technology. It just sort of ends there. We still, sorry for being blunt, suck on so many levels. Our philosophy and religion have really gone no where. It seems, for me anyways, that when it comes to deep cognitive thought, we haven't really progressed at all. We still argue about the same things that people were arguing about hundreds of years ago. We, as a race, need to kill ourselves. That's the answer. Sorry, I am feeling oddly more cynical than usual. Now go out and prosper!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
One Year
Well I was just looking through all of my facebook pictures from the last year, with my good friend Jess, and then it hit me. I have been at this school for a year now. It has been a whole year since I have arrived in a place completely different from my normal social region. The thing that I have never actually revealed to anyone, even my parents, was that this whole change of atmosphere was, actually, a social experiment. The experiment? Would I be able to survive, or adapt, to a sudden, and complete, change of environment? The results? Well, if you care to continue reading I will explain them.
One thing I have found buried deep within the human cognitive thought is that no one enjoys change. Sure, you can say you do, but give it time. You will eventually long for a stable environment, a routine, a norm that controls your life, makes it simple and contained. Well that is good and all, but it does you no real justice. Why? The only way for a human to truly understand life and grow is to actually experience it. You must put yourself into situations that will test your mind or body. This experiment did just that. I put myself in a situation that would cause me to reconsider everything I believed in, trusted in, or had faith in. That is what the true, hidden, meaning of maturing is, testing yourself.
When I was a child I lived a very sheltered and simple life. Yet, at the same time, I thought I was one of the more mature individuals in my age group. Was I? Looking back I do not believe I was. Which makes me laugh at the thought these days simply because back then even adults said I was mature for my age. Lies. Half truths. Propaganda that simply fed my urge to feel different from my peers. I certainly was not mature for my age, I had not experienced life at all. I may have thought I had, but I was no where near mature. It was only when I was plucked from the pot my parents had placed me in, cared for me in, and thrown myself out into the real world garden did I understand what it meant to be mature. Does this meant that I believe I currently am mature and an adult? Negative, not even close.
People have a hard time dividing the thoughts of maturity and being an adult, they do not go hand in hand. Being an adult is simple, you just wait until your physical body has aged to the point society claims you are an adult. Easy. Maturity? Not so simple. Maturity never ends, it will continue until the day you are dead in the ground. You are constantly going through experiences and thus always have the potential to mature your ideals, or thoughts, further. Our society likes to tell the young that maturity takes place between the ages of ten and twenty, wrong. It never ends. Every decision we make and every moral choice we make determines our maturity. Well that's it for now, I might write more about this tonight. Take care!
One thing I have found buried deep within the human cognitive thought is that no one enjoys change. Sure, you can say you do, but give it time. You will eventually long for a stable environment, a routine, a norm that controls your life, makes it simple and contained. Well that is good and all, but it does you no real justice. Why? The only way for a human to truly understand life and grow is to actually experience it. You must put yourself into situations that will test your mind or body. This experiment did just that. I put myself in a situation that would cause me to reconsider everything I believed in, trusted in, or had faith in. That is what the true, hidden, meaning of maturing is, testing yourself.
When I was a child I lived a very sheltered and simple life. Yet, at the same time, I thought I was one of the more mature individuals in my age group. Was I? Looking back I do not believe I was. Which makes me laugh at the thought these days simply because back then even adults said I was mature for my age. Lies. Half truths. Propaganda that simply fed my urge to feel different from my peers. I certainly was not mature for my age, I had not experienced life at all. I may have thought I had, but I was no where near mature. It was only when I was plucked from the pot my parents had placed me in, cared for me in, and thrown myself out into the real world garden did I understand what it meant to be mature. Does this meant that I believe I currently am mature and an adult? Negative, not even close.
People have a hard time dividing the thoughts of maturity and being an adult, they do not go hand in hand. Being an adult is simple, you just wait until your physical body has aged to the point society claims you are an adult. Easy. Maturity? Not so simple. Maturity never ends, it will continue until the day you are dead in the ground. You are constantly going through experiences and thus always have the potential to mature your ideals, or thoughts, further. Our society likes to tell the young that maturity takes place between the ages of ten and twenty, wrong. It never ends. Every decision we make and every moral choice we make determines our maturity. Well that's it for now, I might write more about this tonight. Take care!
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